I order my 13-year-old daughter to give me her phone at night because in the past she was in her room on her phone instead of going to sleep and in the morning she was very tired. Is this justifiable?
Yes. But at 13 it’s time to set the rules not to demand so it’s time to rethink your approach. 13 is a very defiant time. If you don’t, in a few months you will find out how little you know,how uncool you are and you will be crying in a ladies room at work wondering what YOU did wrong. You don’t want to go there. Establish rules. Calmly and in writing. Now that she is a teenager of which she is very proud she must see it comes with responsibilities. As your world turns you must stay focused…. 20 is only 7 years away. Maybe you’ll be luckier than most parents of teenagers and she will come back by 18 or 19. But, right now she is entering the “teenlight zone.” It’s not you. It’s her. It’s her hormones, it’s her growth; it’s her seeking independence; it’s her clinging to her teddy bear—whats that about! If dads there he must agree with rules. No talking back. If she is angry with you her anger must be given to you in writing! This does two things. One, as she writes her anger she also re-reads it and must hear it before she gives it to you. You can then read her words and ignore her anger and sarcasm as well as insults. When reading these notes try to focus on nouns and verbs and skip the adjectives and adverbs. Also, written words do not disrupt the rest of the family. And sometimes she won’t do it right away so the anger will dissipate. The toughest part is holding steady with the rules for the first month! And don’t forget to find something positive to say to her on a regular basis. Even if it to admire her belt or shoes or the way she carries her backpack. She’s building self esteem. A tiny positive statement is all it takes. Hugs are good too. Good luck. See you on the other side!